[Private]...Oh my God
O-h...my... g-god. Oh... god.
I can't.. no. No.
Someone's... they're joking. J-just... no, no, no, no, no, no, no..... no...
just.. please. Please.
Please don't let this be.. be happening to me. To Charlie. He was getting married. He was going to be a doctor. He was my brother
. He loved
me. And I loved him more than I ever loved anyone and he can't die. People like Charlie don't die. People like Charlie grow up and get married and have beautiful children and make their parents proud. And they deserve it, because people like Charlie carry their little sisters on their shoulders when their little sisters can't keep up with the boys because her legs are too short and she's too small, and they're outside running around in the middle of nowhere, Suffolk, and he doesn't want to leave her behind. Oh God. And not to Thomas. Thomas, who would make me pancakes when I was little and upset to make me stop crying because he knew I couldn't cry and eat blueberry pancakes at the same time, and that I would never miss an opportunity to eat blueberry pancakes. Who pierced his left ear during a stint where he was certain he was going to quit school and start a rock band.
Charlie and Thomas, who would have done anything to protect me, and I could do nothing to protect them. Mum... she just sent me a letter, said that Charlie and Thomas had died - and then - Oh god, I wasn't even finished with the letter and there was the paper and they'd been tortured
to death and it's my fault. It's my fault because it was in the Prophet, and they used the cruciatus curse, and... Its my fault because if it weren't for me, they wouldn't.. they wouldn't have even known there were people like that in the world, and they would still be alive. They would never have known that there were horrible people who hated them, and who hated me, just because they don't have the right parents, they don't have the right genetics. And Charlie would still be getting married and Thomas would still be a crazy business major with an earring who makes excellent pancakes and says very funny things that come completely out of nowhere who would have made someone very happy some day.
And now he can't. And it's because of me. I wonder... I wonder if he died thinking that people like me
did this to him. The people who hate me and him both because we're not
like them. And maybe I should have never gone to Hogwarts. Maybe I really shouldn't be here. Having a faster way to iron socks is not worth all of this. Maybe I don't belong here. God, I want to hurt the person who did this to him. I want to hurt them like they hurt Charlie and Thomas, like they hurt me. They can't do this. Someone.. someone needs to show them that.
And I can't even talk to the one person who would have made me feel better because he's one of the people I need to feel better about.
And I've settled on a name for that stuffed owl James got me.
His name is Charlie. ( Four framed pictures on Dorcas' nightstandCollapse )
I... I don't think I'm going to class today. Or tomorrow. Or maybe ever again. If that means I'm going to one day be the district manager of a Stop-N-Go, so be it.